You & I
by castielandhisassbutt
Summary: AU: Dean and Castiel are both in college and every day Dean has been going to the same coffee shop for some time to see Castiel play. Every time he goes to talk to Castiel afterward, the mysterious guitarist seems to have disappeared. Until tonight.


**This ficlet is written to the song **_COLLIDE_ **by** _HOWIE DAY_.

* * *

><p><em>The dawn is breaking<em>_  
>A light shining through<em>

Everyday Dean found himself doing the same thing. His days were long and repetitive. He hated most of his classes and was contemplating dropping out to take up an internship over at a mechanic's shop he knew. It had been offered to him recently and he was thinking about it. His grades weren't all that good and at the end of the day.. well.. in short, he felt like shit. There was only one thing he looked forward to at the end of the day on a Friday night.

_You're barely waking  
>And I'm tangled up in you<em>

It was that one voice he could always count on to keep a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. Something that always seemed to capture his attention as he sat at one of the side tables inside the coffee shop. An acoustic singer who sat at the front of the store with an old Gibson Humming Bird. He was always able to make him smile and Dean had no idea who he was or what his name was.

All Dean knew was that his voice was something worth listening to. He didn't seem to sing his own music often, but he the ones he did? They were always acoustic and always well covered. He recognized the song he was singing today but he couldn't place the name, his eyes and ears focused on the where the words were coming from. The way each word formed across his lips. He couldn't explain the attraction he felt towards the other man, but he liked the way it made him feel.

_I'm open you're closed_  
><em>Where I follow, you'll go<em>

There had always been nights he'd wondered about his name. He wondered if they went to the same college. He hated that he knew nothing about him. Dean had tried to get a name from him, but every time he went to talk to the guy, he was gone. No one seemed to know his name either. All Dean knew about him was that each finger plucking against the guitar string was coordinated in a manner well suited for those hands. He knew that he had a voice like an angel.

_I worry I won't see your face  
>Light up again<em>

The one thought Dean had always had when it came to his Friday nights at the coffee shop was what he might do if this man was to never return. At the end of the week this man was his saving grace. He hadn't even had the chance to tell him yet and it wasn't shocking given his mysterious disappearing act. He glanced down to his water, trying to pry his wandering mind from the thoughts he didn't want.

He didn't even know this man and here he was, acting like he was in some sort of relationship with him. Though, the passing thought did cause him to blush a bit. A small smile tugged at the corner of his lips and he glanced towards the man strumming away at his guitar in a calm manner. His eyes were closed and he seemed focused. Dean loved the way he played. He'd played the guitar a bit himself, but he didn't think he was anywhere near as good as this man.

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
>Even the wrong words seem to rhyme<em>

Dean clasped both hands around his glass of water, holding it firmly. The song was coming to an end and he was aware that it was the last song of the evening. This was the part where the mysterious singer would disappear and leave Dean feeling frustrated all to hell. He just wanted to get to know the man who could play so well. He wanted to talk to the person who was making him smile without even knowing why. It wasn't like he always had lots to smile about.

As the final strings were played, his eyes found the man at the front's and he found himself getting lost in those bright blue eyes. They were filled with something he craved and something he had come to like. And then they weren't on him anymore, they were scanning the small group of people inside the small coffee shop as he said thank you. Dean looked to his water and brought the glass to his lips, swallowing the last couple mouthfuls.

_Out of the doubt that fills my mind_

This would be the night he finally spoke to him, Dean was sure of it as he got to his feet and turned around. He blinked in confusion though when he noticed he was gone. His eyebrows furrowed together and he pursed his lips together, '_Not again_,' he thought to himself, already missing the man's presence. He felt like an idiot for taking his eyes away from him for a split second. He felt stupid for thinking he was going to talk to him tonight - because it seemed pretty clear that would never happen.

Dean collapsed back into his seat, thinking about how insane he felt. He knew how this story ended if he went outside. It had already happened anyway, hadn't it? He'd go outside and see the man going into a old beater of a car and drive off - or, even better, he'd get a passing glance with him and then he'd be getting in a taxicab. It was like they both knew the other existed and never spoke to each other.

_I somehow find  
>You and I collide<em>

The coffee shop could now be heard with voices and Dean found himself drowning each and every single one of them out. He closed his eyes, replaying the man's voice inside his head. Picturing the tips of his fingers against the strings of his Gibson. It was calming to think about and something that got him through each night. It amazed him how someone he didn't know had such an everlasting effect on him.

And as Dean sat there, he heard the sound of a chair pulling up and he cracked an eye open - only to swallow hard as he caught the sight of the one person he'd wanted to talk to all night. Well, more than a night. He'd wanted to talk to the mysterious man for a very long time.

He sat up right quickly, not realizing the awkward smile that was now on his face, "Oh," he started right away, "Hey, sorry about that, lost in thought," he fumbled over his words, leaning his elbows against the round table. He went to take a drink from his glass of water, only to remember it was empty and set it back down.

_I'm quiet you know  
>You make a first impression<em>

The man sitting across from him let out an innocent chuckle, causing Dean to smile in response, "It's alright," he said, leaning against the table as well, "I questioned breaking your thought process, actually," Dean shook his head, waving it off. He was glad the man had come over, glad they were talking. Though, now that he was here, he wasn't sure if he was going to say the right things.

Dean wasn't used to talking to people that had caught his eye. In truth, there were only a couple people who had ever truly caught his attention. This man? He was one of them. He was one of those people that he could count on for a smile and the guy didn't even know it. He extended his hand towards him though with a friendly smile, dipping his head a bit, "Name's Dean," he said.

_I found I'm scared to know  
>I'm always on your mind<em>

The man across from him nodded his head and stretched out his hand, taking Dean's carefully and shaking it firmly, "Castiel," he said, putting a name on the face Dean had become so entangled in. Someone he'd been thinking about for sometime. Castiel pulled his hand away and Dean couldn't help but to think about his name. It was different, something he didn't hear often. He wondered how he got his name and pondered asking, but he didn't.

"Castiel," Dean repeated, wrapping his mid around the name, "Mind if I call you Cas for short?" he asked, both of his hands connecting together on the table again. The tops of Castiel's fingers had been pretty smooth for someone who was a guitarist. They seemed delicate and soft, something else Dean found himself liking.

"Uh," Castiel wasn't sure what he thought about the nickname, but he nodded, "Sure, I guess. No one has ever really called me that, but I guess there's a first time for everything?" he gave a small chuckle again, earning another smile from Dean.

As Castiel spoke, Dean couldn't help but to think about how his voice was so much different than his singing voice. He liked the transition - but there was something there he couldn't place. Something darker he couldn't make out, "Hah, I guess there is," Dean said with a smile. He was curious about what Cas' history was, curious about what he did for a living, "I have to ask," he said, leaning a bit more forward, "Are you a college student here? Or are you just here to play?"

_Even the best fall down sometimes  
>Even the stars refuse to shine<em>

Castiel seemed to hesitate answering, leaning back ever-so-slightly as Dean asked his question. It was a harmless question to Dean, "I'm a student," he said quietly, almost ashamed. This confused Dean and he raised an eyebrow, "I'm in the musical arts program here and I play here part time. I've noticed you here every night I play," he said, looking away from Dean for a second.

Dean felt something in his throat swell and he sat back, his hands immediately falling into his lap, "Yeah," he gave a nervous laugh, raising a hand to scratch at the back of his head, "Heh, I just really like this shop. And you're a good singer," his last words came out a bit more quietly as he looked down to the table. He felt embarrassed to know that Cas had noticed him.

_Out of the back you fall in time_

Castiel shook his head, smiling, "No, no, it's okay. I'm glad you enjoy it," he leaned forward again, eyes on Dean, "Glad to know someone does, that I'm leaving an impression somewhere," and now it was his turn to look down at the table. Curiosity got the best of Dean again and he was looking to Castiel, wanting to know more. Cas could feel his eyes on him and he let out a very small sigh, trying to mask it, "I'm glad I'm leaving an impression. About a couple months ago I wasn't really doing anything with my life."

Dean felt like he could relate to this. With everything he was doing and the program he had invested time into, he didn't think it was what he wanted. He wanted something more, something he enjoyed - like the internship at the mechanic's shop he had been offered. It was something he truly _wanted_. Perhaps more than how much he wanted Castiel, "I'm about a hundred percent sure I can relate to that."

_I somehow find  
>You and I collide<em>

Castiel didn't doubt Dean, but he didn't think that he completely understood what he was saying. And if he did understand, it would break him in two. He had noticed Dean just as Dean seemed to have noticed him, "You know," he said, looking off to the side for a moment before looking back to the man who had been watching him play for so long now, "I know you don't come here often. You are only ever here on Friday nights when I play. I come here Wednesday afternoons to watch a friend, and I never see you."

Dean felt that swell in his throat grow again and he was unable to speak, feeling incredibly awkward, "It's okay," Castiel said, trying to be reassuring, "I'm glad that I noticed. And I know you tried talking to me to, and I apologize for my avoidance this whole time," he looked down to his hands now.

"Why did you avoid me?" Dean suddenly said, unable to stop his words.

_Don't stop here_

Castiel had been caught off guard by the question, but he wasn't shocked either. He had expected Dean to ask him this question - had he been in Dean's shoes, he would have done the same thing, "Honestly?" he started, looking to him. He hadn't realized how green Dean's eyes seemed to be until just then, "It's.." his voice trailed as he tried to form the words he had to say, but he couldn't find the will power, "It's complicated," he finally said.

_I lost my place _

Dean didn't understand what Castiel was trying to say. Sure, he got that it was complicated and he knew he couldn't pry. Hell, he was just talking to the guy for the first time. But, even though he didn't really know him, he wanted to help him somehow. He wanted to be lend a hand in some manner or another if Castiel would let him - but he could see the look Cas' eyes and he didn't see that happening, "Sorry, but, complicated how?"

_I'm close behind_

Castiel bit his tongue, looking around the coffee shop. His eyes fell back on Dean for a moment before he got to his feet, smiling to him, "Do you want to go for a walk?" he asked. He sounded off and he knew that, but a walk was better than talking inside the confinement of four walls. He'd rather be out in the open, smiling and having a good time. Being inside was stuffy and uncomfortable with all the tension he could feel rising. Besides, he wanted to get to know Dean. How could he do that inside the four walls of the coffee shop?

At first Dean wanted to say no, but he could see Cas was uncomfortable - which was why he nodded, "Yeah, sure, why not?" he said, getting to his feet. He followed him towards the front door of the shop, shrugging his leather jacket on as they got outside into the cool fall weather. It was late, but it didn't seem to bother either of them as they began walking away from the small shop.

As the two of them walked, it was nothing but an awkward set of silence. Dean wasn't sure what he was supposed to say right then. Something was complicated with Cas and he didn't know how to respond to that. He didn't really know him, so he couldn't pry - and he couldn't be mad for the lack of response. Though, they both seemed to be interested in each other then, right? He wasn't sure he'd been misreading those signs with the way Castiel had spoken.

When they reached a small park just off the campus, Castiel stopped at a bench and looked to Dean, eyes searching for something as an expression crossed hi features. Dean was taken back by the strong look on his face and he stopped dead in his tracks, "What is it?" Dean asked, his thumbs hooked to his pockets, "What's wrong?" and now he was thinking maybe he had done something wrong.

_Even the best fall down sometimes_

Castiel swallowed, giving Dean a sad smile, "You want to know why I spent this whole time trying to avoid you, Dean?" he asked curiously, looking back to the bench and then towards Dean. He felt weak in the knees, felt dizzy to the thoughts he was having. It caused him to back up and take a seat on it, eyes immediately falling to the ground. Dean didn't know what to say as he looked to him, unable to sit himself. He just watched Cas, waiting for the explanation. But he was scared to know what it was Castiel had to say.

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

"All my life I was told how to do things," Castiel said, thinking about his guitar back at the coffee shop, "I was always told what I should be doing and when I should do them," he was thinking about the way Dean watched him play and how it had made him feel deep down inside himself, "And then one day, I had this incredible freedom by coming to this college," he chuckled lightly, sniffling suddenly.

The small sound caused Dean to take a seat, noticing Castiel's shaking hands, "I don't understand what you're trying to say, Cas," he glanced to the hands and decided to take a bold step. He reached forward and gently placed on hand over Cas' clasped hands, feeling how tense they were, "I know we technically just met for the first time, but you can talk to me," he tried, rubbing the top of Castiel's hands with his thumb.

_Even the wrong words seem to rhyme_

Dean's hand over his own was comforting and he looked down to their hands, eyes glued to the comfort. Castiel thought about the way Dean made him feel, the way someone he didn't know in the least made him feel, "I came here to escape something, in hopes I'd find something to help me ease through this," he sniffled again, looking off to the side and away from him. Dean felt a teardrop hit his hand and he looked to Castiel, seeing the state of his face.

There were no words for him to say, there was nothing he could do. The only thing he knew that was possible right then was for him to listen. He knew that whatever this man was trying to say was important because no one cried in front of someone they just met. Not anyone he had known. Though, he had to admit that it felt like he had known Cas for a very long time for some reason, "Ease you through what?"

Castiel sucked in a shaky breath, his eyes stuck on Dean's hand over his own again, "Why do you come and watch me play?" he said, switching topics suddenly. Dean felt a skip of his own heart beat to the question. He had hoped he wouldn't be asked this so soon - not to mention that explaining it would turn his face into a damn tomato. He could deal with that though given how Cas seemed to be.

_Out of the doubt that fills your mind_

"Why?" Dean clarified, rubbing Castiel's hand again gently, "Because for whatever reason I just seemed to be calmed by you," his eyes were on their hands, just like Castiel's, "I'll have the worst week of my life and it'll keep on going the night after, but I know I can come to that little shop and park my butt. I'm able to sit back and just relax and I don't know why. I thought maybe it was the music," he took in his own shaky breath now, suddenly gripping Cas' hands, "But it was_ you_."

_You finally find_

Castiel looked to Dean suddenly, his own hand pulling away so it could go over top of Dean's. He gripped it as well, an odd smile tugging at his features as Dean looked to him. They both stared at each other in silence, Dean questioning what was going on with Castiel still. He didn't know what it was and he still wanted to know, "It was always you," Dean mumbled you, "And I have no idea why, but I kept finding myself coming back there to see _you_."

_You and I collide_

Castiel drew his hands away from Dean's suddenly, the sadness completely overwhelming his body. He got to his feet, feeling a set of confused and hurt eyes on him as he stayed facing away. He crossed his arms, looking up to the stars in the sky, "That's the problem. That's why I avoided you. What happens when I'm not there, Dean?" he asked, realizing that he had just asked a loaded question - but he didn't take it back. He just stayed standing, looking up.

Dean blinked, looking down to his empty hands before looking to Cas again. This was the exact thing he had thought about earlier, "It's funny you ask that," he said quietly, unmoving as he stared at Castiel's backside, "I thought about it earlier. Here I am worrying about what I'm going to do when some guy just disappears from my life when he isn't even a part of my life. I kept thinking, I don't even know him," he slowly got to his feet, watching as Castiel stayed facing forward, "I kept thinking I was insane to feel these things about someone I don't know."

Castiel closed his eyes, biting his bottom lip as the tears continued to spill from the corners of his eyes. He felt a pain inside his chest that vibrated down his back and throughout his legs. He felt broken inside to Dean's words and he didn't know how else to explain it to him as he listened to each syllable. He had noticed the way Dean looked at him and the way he always smiled when he said. It killed him inside because it could never work and he knew that. But Dean didn't.

_You finally find_

Dean bit his lip, feeling awkward again as Castiel remained silent, "I kept thinking I was a damn fool in love, Cas," he grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at him. The tears that stained Castiel's face tore through him and Cas pulled back from him, taking a nervous step backwards, "I fell in love with someone that I don't know. I didn't even know your name until tonight. I can't explain it, I'm not usually like this. I feel like a lovesick teenager because of you."

Castiel couldn't be bothered to wipe at his eyes, he knew it would be pointless to now, "Dean, you need to stop. You can't feel these things for me. I promise you that it's better you don't. Which is why I chose to speak to you tonight," Dean felt the swell in his throat reappear and his breath hitched, "This can't happen. I'm sorry," and then Castiel turned to walk away.

_You and I collide_

Dean felt incredibly confused, "And how do you propose I just drop these feelings? You come to me and start talking. You let me know your name. You ask me out for a walk. Do you see the problem here?" he felt himself grow angered, "I don't understand a damn word that you're trying to get through. You tell me it can't happen when nothing has happened!"

Castiel stopped moving, his back to Dean again. He let out a sigh, "I didn't want to have to say this," he cooed swiftly, turning around to face him again. The tears had stopped and that same darkness Dean had recognized earlier had returned, "I see the way you look at me and it scares me because I know it won't last," Dean opened his mouth to retaliate, but Cas raised his hand, "Just, let me talk.." he stuck his thumbs in the front pockets of his jeans as he looked to the ground, mimicking Dean's posture with his thumbs in the pockets of his leather coat.

_You finally find_

"I'm not going to be here much longer," Castiel said, fighting the tears back again as he watched the confusion and anger grow on Dean's face, "You can't say you love me because it's only going to hurt more when I'm not here. You can't say you feel these things about me because you don't know me - and Dean, you don't want to know me," but that wasn't true. That wasn't true at all. Dean _wanted_ to know Castiel more than anything.

"That isn't true. I can say what I want. You say you have people telling you what to do until you came here?" Dean said, taking a hesitant step forward towards the man who was so engraved inside his thoughts, "You say that came here for freedom? All you're doing is avoiding that damn freedom and taking it and spitting it everywhere," he scoffed a bit, taking another step forward, a much smaller step, "I fell in love with someone I don't know and I'm not ashamed of that."

Castiel shook his head, "That's not it at all," he said, removing his thumbs from the pockets of his jeans. He sighed, "Not even close, Dean," he didn't want to explain it, but he had no choice, "Dean, I'm going to die."

Dean felt himself stuck where he stood, his eyes glued to Castiel, "W-What?" he said, his eyes beginning to well up with tears he couldn't keep hidden, "W-What do you m-mean?" Dean said, unable to hide the shakiness of his voice either. He was terrified, "Die? What?" he bit the inside of his cheek, watching Castiel who couldn't even look at him now.

_Sometimes I know_

Castiel couldn't take the look on Dean's face, "I knew this was a mistake," he whispered, turning on his heel, "I'm sorry, Dean," and then he began to walk away. Dean watched for a split second, thinking over what he was supposed to do as Castiel walked away. The man he had just told he was in love with was going to die? From what? What was happening to him that was going to rip this man away from his life? He narrowed his eyes, biting the inside of his cheek again.

_That you and I_

Dean sprang forward, catching up with Castiel quickly as he grabbed his arm, "Now, just wait," he called, spinning him around to face him, "You can't just drop a bomb like that and then leave," he wasn't sure what he was feeling right then as he looked to Castiel, "You can't just.. you can't.." they both fell into silence as Dean looked at him, slowly lifting a hand to brush away the tears on Cas' face, "You can't give up just because you have a pre-decided fate. Isn't that why you came here?" Dean whispered, gently stroking Castiel's cheek.

_You'll somehow find_

Castiel felt weak again as he felt Dean's hand on his face. So many feelings sprang through him. He was terrified to let this person into his life, this person who loved him. He couldn't do it, not when he was going to die. It wouldn't be right. It wouldn't be fair. He didn't want Dean to grow attached and then be left heartbroken when he was no longer around, "But Dean," Cas whispered, eyes on Dean's.

Dean left no room for argument as he suddenly stepped forward, both hands clasped on either side of Castiel's face as he kissed him fully on the lips. And as he kissed him, feeling Castiel return it on instinct, he realized he didn't regret anything. All of it was worth it up to where they were right then. He could taste traces of cinnamon along Castiel's lips as he moved into it, his hands sliding to his neck.

Castiel was awestruck as his hands touched Dean's waist. He didn't know what had just happened and he didn't know if it was a good idea as Dean pulled away, "You can't turn me down," Dean whispered, resting his forehead against Castiel's, "You can't turn me down because I want to be here for you. I want to help you somehow. You helped me in so many ways I can't even begin to explain right now, but I would like to. I want to be there for you through whatever you are going through."

"But you don't even know me," Castiel whispered in response, unable to find anything else intelligent to say. He felt heartbroken and confused as Dean kissed his forehead. How had he come across such a sweet individual that seemed so incredibly caring? What had he possibly done to deserve such forgiveness and beauty?

_That you and I collide_

"But I know I love you," Dean said, kissing Castiel again on the lips before pulling away, "And I know I want to be there if you'll let me. And I'm really hoping you let, otherwise this will have just been one big awkwa-" Dean was silenced by Castiel's lips suddenly over top of his own - and it was then he knew he had been accepted by the one person he had wanted this whole time and thought he never would have.

_That you and I collide_

A year would go by and Castiel would grow weak, but it would be a year that Dean would never trade anything for. The whole year Dean devoted himself to helping Castiel and finding ways to treat his illness. To treat what was inside of his body that plagued him. In the end, Castiel passed away during the night - but he was not alone. Dean laid on the bed, an arm around Castiel as the man slept with his head on his chest. He was lacing his fingers through Cas' hair the entire time.

"_You and I_," Dean sang quietly as he thought about the song that had brought them together, "_You and I_," he sang, a sad smile crossing his features as he watched Cas' silent body slowly raise his chest in a shaky manner, "_You'll somehow find_," he sang, kissing the top of Castiel's head before pressing his cheek to it, "_You'll somehow find that you and I collide_."


End file.
